Ways not to Die

Death is looked upon with many different faces. A lot of people prepare for it, expect it, and when the time finally comes, embrace it. Others fear it, run from it, and do all they can to prolong the inevitable. I happen to fall in the middle of these two extremes. See, I don't want to die. If it were up to me, I would drink from the Elixir of Life and become immortal. But, seeing as that's not an option, I have accepted that death can't be avoided, and I will simply meet my end whenever it chooses to happen. Still, there are some ways that I just don't want to go.

On that note, here are my top 5 ways not to die:

Five: Nuclear Fallout; more specifically, being on the edge of a nuclear blast, and being thrown into an ocean where you would drown. Think about it. Your eyes would melt inside your head from the intense heat of the blast, and when the shock wave hit you, assuming you lived, you would be thrust out into salt water covered from head-to-foot in radioactive burns. No thanks.

Four: Being very slowly crushed to death, perhaps by a steamroller, starting at your feet and working up your body. The pain would be excruciating.

Three: Burned to death by fire. I don't like fire. I don't even like hot water that much. When you burn your hand on the oven, that shit hurts for weeks! Can you imagine dying from that?!

Two: Falling into acid. A giant pool of acid. Imagine the burns! At least with fire, you burn the nerves off by the intense heat. Acid would just eat you away until you are literally nothing. Piece by piece, you would deteriorate. No thanks again.

One: Being pulled into the vacuum of space. There is a lot of false information out there about the vacuum of space, and how one would die, so allow me to clear it up for you. This is what would happen: The skin on your body would begin to expand, but it would not explode. If you are fortunate enough to scream, then your lungs will be emptied, and your chest cavity will not expand to the point of severe damage. If you aren't, then your lungs would inflate slowly until they exploded within your chest. The saliva on your tongue would evaporate due to the vacuum of space, but because your body does not lose heat or pressure instantly, your blood would remain in its liquid state for about 90 seconds. You would stay conscious for about 30 seconds, until your brain became deprived of oxygen, all the while having your muscles tighten and become completely useless. Then, you would pass out, and individual cells would expand and explode, slowly killing you over the next 60 seconds.

So, I'm fine with death, so long as I don't have to go in any of the above ways... or a couple of others.