Goodbye My King

I have always been a very strong supporter of the internet. I feel like something as powerful as a device that allows all people in the world to come together as one single, malfunctioning brain must be respected. With that being said, I have always felt that there just isn't something right about a system that invites everyone and anyone to express their opinions. Stupid people just shouldn't be allowed to speak. But, unfortunately, that's not how the first world works.

There has always been, in my opinion, two different types of internet users. There are people who use it as a business and communication tool, and then there are those that use it as a social networking device. The business users follow regular writing protocol, or at least try to. Often, you get an email from a company that looks like it was written by a five year old, but that's just the byproduct of poor education. Then there are the social networkers, who use the internet as a means of destroying the English language in whatever way they see fit. They'll take a perfectly normal sentence like:

Today I took the bus through the tunnell to East Whereversville.

and turn it into:

tday I tk de bus thru de tunl 2 east wrsvil

Now, I have always accepted the social networking style of writing as a side effect of giving lazy writers the power to communicate through text. That is, I have always accepted it until today, when it bled over into the real world and corrupted everything I have ever believed in about the internet.

Here is a copy of an email that was sent to me by a professional writer, someone whose job is strictly to write. This poor individual gets paid to do one thing, to communicate with the companies consumers. I won't give you the poor sods name, but I will tell you that this email was sent to me from Case-Mate.

Here it is, and I'll go ahead and boldface the two parts that killed my soul:

Dear James,

Thank you for your inquiry.

Your order was shipped thru the USPS and it may take between 5 to 10 business days for delivery. Please feel free to contact us if you have any further questions regarding this order.

I hope you have a wonderful day :)

Regards,
[censored name]
Customer Experience Group

I realize these are just two measly errors, but this was a formal letter form an online retailer to a consumer. This is how it begins. This is where the death of English starts.

So, before it's too late, I just want to bid you farewell my dearest King's English. You have done me proud. I will miss you always.