Have I Got This Right?

I was reading sky news today updating myself on the hurricane that's about to hit sunny ol' Texas when I stumbled across, quite on accident, an article about Sarah Palin. I enjoy her talking. I think it's because I really like listening to idiots dig holes for themselves while more intelligent people just sit there and nod along. Still, here's the article I read:

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Sarah-Palin-John-McCains-Republican-Running-Mate-Says-War-With-Russia-May-Be-Necessary/Article/200809215097920?f=rss

For those who won't read it, here you go: It's about how Palin says that America may have to go to war with Russia if the country chooses to attack/invade anyone else. Strong declaration for a vice-presidential candidate, don't you think? She's not even in office yet and she's setting the bar for war. I want to know where these troops are coming from, because they sure aren't coming from Iraq if the republican party wins the election. Maybe she should have just said "I would like to stretch our supply lines so thin we can't win any war at all!"

I found the opening line of the article the most interesting kickoff of any article I've read in quite some time. It opens with the words "The 44-year-old mother-of-five..." I'm glad to see she has been keeping herself busy while not dealing with politics. Those last three kids probably just walked right out of her body carrying pamphlets that read: "vote for mommy, she's a beauty pageant winner!"

Mainly, I just want to make sure I have this right: Sarah Palin is a vice-presidential candidate for a man who, if gets elected president, will have a heart attack before his first week in office is up. She has five children, won a beauty pageant way back when, got her ex-brother-in-law fired from his job, and is already planning on going to war with Russia.

Did I miss anything?

Red Ring of Death

My Xbox360 red ringed a few days ago. For the 360 owners out there, I don't really have to explain any further, but for those of you who don't actually own one, it's like the heart attack and full organ shutdown of Xbox360's. It's rather depressing actually. In my case, my Xbox even made a pathetic little whimper when it died, similar to a car trying to start up with no gasoline left.

The real problem is that I never realized just how big a part of my life that system is. I use it as a communication tool, and gaming platform, an HD TV, a music station- it's quite literally everything. Now that I don't have it, I feel completely cut off from the world.

Pathetic, isn't it.

All the same, it's gone and I have to wait three weeks for it to be repaired. So, in the mean time, I need help coming up with things to do. So far I've discovered the games "sleep", "eat", and "twiddle your thumbs". They are all pretty cool, but I'm looking for something a bit more... off the wall. It's important that I'm entertained.

So, in other words, help.

Never Forget Elephants

I'm the type of person who is often scared by stupid things. I'm not talking about thriller movies or roller coasters, but rather real life situations that happen to all of us. For example, if I'm walking down the street and I see a man wearing a black hoodie in the summer, I assume I'm about to get mugged. It's a defence mechanism. In some ways, I suppose I over think things. I keep building the little things up higher and higher until my once ankle tall mound of dirt has become a mountain of conspiracies and ridiculous fears. I say this because it's important to understand that I'm not ignorant of my irrational fears. I have never been mugged by a hoodie-wearing punk with thirty-six piercings in his nose, nor do I know anyone who has been mugged by a similar looking individual, but that doesn't stop me being prepared for it to happen.

Knowing this about me, imagine how afraid I must have been when I saw the Taiwanese elephants paint self portraits several months ago. They would take a paintbrush in their trunks, dip it into some paint, and paint a picture of an elephant holding a pretty little flower in its trunk. The worst part is that the picture wasn't even bad! I'm no artist, but I don't think I could ever paint an elephant as well as these elephants can. When I'm bested by animals that lack higher level thinking, I start to worry. People were cheering, clapping, gasping, and awing.

I wasn't.

I was too busy thinking about what this could mean for our generation. Elephants are smart, we already know that, but just how smart? They are the only other animal in the world that suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Once, they were kind and friendly creatures. Now, they are becoming increasingly violent and are hunting down humans for sport. Not only that, but they have been known to use sticks as weapons, open doors, sneak around in dark places and wait for people to unsuspectingly walk into a trap where six or seven elephants will pounce out and attack. Elephants are dangerous.

I suppose that's why I didn't applaud. I was suddenly afraid. If elephants are smart enough to open doors, use tools, and paint pictures, I firmly believe they are smart enough to be up to something sneaky. I think these paintings were a mere distraction. A false sense of security, if you will. I wasn't buying it.

I left the show and vowed never to live in a country that was prone to elephants. Those animals are just getting too smart for their own good, and I don't want to be there when our relationship with them goes sour.

Yes, our Olympians are 16...

As everyone knows, the Olympics are on. It's strange though, because this time people are actually watching them. I don't know if it was because they were held in the southern hemisphere four years ago, but no one above the equator seemed bothered to tune in. The viewing audience consisted of those third world countries that have a TV/Person ratio of 1:28319, and Australia. This year, however, people are pulling up chairs and watching the Olympics. It's on almost everywhere you go, and on multiple televisions. I suppose it's because of this that I have some questions to ask:

What are the American girls doing? I saw a 21 year old woman doing gymnastics! People shouldn't be competing in gymnastics if they are over 17, and I'm being generous. That 21 year old fell off the balance beam, and then ass planted on her next event also! She's killing the team!

China has the right idea though. Their girls are all below the age of 12. I'm sorry, but China, you aren't fooling anyone. We know their passports say they are 16, and can legally compete in the Olympics, but you also have to remember that we know you are China. We know you have no qualms with cheating. We also know what a girl looks like when she's 8 and not 16. Surprisingly, there's quite a difference. You may be wrapped up in the stereotype that we think you all look alike, but we aren't that stupid! If I can tell the difference between a 4 month puppy and a 6 month puppy, I'm pretty sure I know that a human being is between the age bracket of 8-12 instead of 15-17. That's not a hard thing to figure out.

But hey, you're China, you can do what you want. When the Olympics are being held in London, we'll see how many 12 year old girls you'll be competing with!

...Probably a lot. England doesn't like confrontation with foreigners anymore.

San Antonio's Number One

It rained here today. For those who are avid readers, you know that to me, that's a wonderful thing. I love the rain entirely, with absolutely nothing bad to say about it. Yet, with all things perfect, people always try to find a way to ruin it. Especially in good old San Antonio.

The truth is that San Antonio is statistically the most dangerous place in America to own a car. Everywhere else I've lived, I have probably seen about two or three accidents a year. All those times, I had never once actually see someone hit another person. In the three years I have lived in San Antonio, I have seen over several hundred. To put it simply, if there is a rainstorm and I haven't seen at least three separate collisions by the time I have reached my destination, I consider it a safe day.

Today, during a drive that lasted me seven minutes, I saw six. Ironically, I actually saw two of them happen. It is in times like that that I truly know just how stupid some people are. Both of those accidents could have been avoided if the drivers would just drive like intelligent people. The sad thing is that people simply aren't intelligent. Both of the accidents happened the same way. Two cars were speeding off into the rain doing about 75mph down the two-lane freeway that takes me to school. The rain was too thick, there was too much on the road, and as the car started driving up the hill where the thickest layer of moving water was concentrated, he hydroplaned and drove straight off into another car. The best part, right after accident one happened, the car behind him saw it happen, swerved around, and got into accident two right at the bottom of the next hill.

San Antonio drivers are just terrible.

Admitting Defeat

It's hard for most people to admit they are wrong. Luckily for me, I exist to you in a world where I am never wrong, so it's not an issue for me, but for those less fortunate than myself, there will always come a time when that person must admit that they were wrong. The nice thing to do is to sit back and let them admit it while you keep your peace.

I do it the other way. I much prefer to, when someone admits they are wrong, rub it in their face for as long as I possibly can. When you do this, most people will respond in the same classic fashion. First, they will try to take back what they said. Then, when they realize they can't, they will try to shift the blame onto you somehow. It's like watching a fish out of water, struggling for some of that delicious H2O and not being able to find it. It's pathetic, sad, and at the same time oddly amusing.

I did this the other day with one of my girlfriend's friends. He was talking trying to sound smart, as most people do when they are around people they don't know, and he said something about how every life was valuable and no one should be killed ever. So naturally i jumped to the extreme end of the statement and asked him if he would kill Castro or Kim Jong-il if he bumped into them in a private location with no one around. Naturally, he stuttered and admitted he would gladly shoot them without any remorse. So, I spent the next twenty minutes making him admit who else he would kill. Apparently, he doesn't have much value for human life, and I'll tell you what, after that huge spiel I put him through, I bet you I'm on the rapidly growing list of people he would kill.

When people are wrong, it's great. Enjoy it. It's fun to poke at stupidity.

The Internet isn't here for your Problems

Usually I pick topics to write about that have nothing to do with anything of importance. Today is no exception to that rule, however, unlike on usual days in which I would write about some random article I found or some pathetic conversation I overheard, todays topic is about something more directly related to me. I say to me, but in truth, you all know someone who does just this. So, in a way, I suppose this blog is directly related to all of us.

We all have that friend who lives their life as if it's an emotional roller coaster. They fuck, they drink, they yell, they bitch, they complain, they cry (excessively), and they talk a lot of shit. In the end, they are usually the most fragile people on the face of the planet, acting tough to seem big when in truth they are so soft that one wrong word leads them to cry their eyes out in the confines of their bedroom. Really, if you think about it, it's sort of sad. But then, these types of people always bring what I'm about to say on themselves.

They have this obsession with letting everyone else know when they are pissed. They do it constantly, when they are in person they yell and pick fights, when they have friends around they talk shit behind peoples backs, and when no one is there to listen, they do the most pathetic thing of all and post their constant status on the internet. From away messages, to face book status changes, they are constantly updating their emotions, be it: "Pissed off" or "Hating you so much right now for what you did", they for some reason believe that the rest of the world cares even the slightest about their issues.

In truth, if they would just stop bitching for five minutes, maybe people would start caring. The reality of the situation is that even their closest friends end up rejecting their calls just to avoid another conversation about how their lives aren't perfect and why so-and-so did something that pissed them off.

If you are one of these people, or know one of these people, do the world a favour. Tell them to stop being who they are. The Internet is not a place for your problems, and more importantly, no one cares about them anyway.