I was driving down IH-10 the other day, as I have been doing quite frequently recently hopping from San Antonio to Houston, then back again, when I saw a sign that read "Missing Elderly" and then gave a description of his or her vehicle along with a license plate number.
It was at this time that I realized I see that sign a lot. On almost every drive, those billboards almost always have some sort of description of an old person that got lost.
I have a few questions about this:
First, is it just one elderly person that keeps getting lost, or is it a different one every time? They are always getting lost in a red Chevy SUV or something very similar. Last I checked, old people only drive cars from the 1960's. When did they start driving SUV's? That just doesn't seem safe. Their bones are very weak. If they were to get in a crash in some broke-ass American SUV they are pretty much dead.
Second, how do we keep losing these old people? Are they really even lost, or did some paranoid parent just wake up one day and call their parents and when they didn't pick up because they are out on a fishing trip they chose not to tell their adult child about, the person freaks out and calls the police. They can't all be senile old men who can't remember their way home. I mean, IH-10 is a straight line! Either you're going one way, or you're going the other. How hard is that? I know toddlers that can figure that shit out!
Third, why are people letting these old people drive if they can't find their way home on a two way road? If they can't figure out after 100 miles that they are going the wrong way, they probably shouldn't be driving. Unless they are escaping from an old people's home, then they have no excuse. If they are, then go for it! Drive like hell Missing Elderly! You run your ass off!
Shouldn't we be more worried about missing kids than missing old people?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Love Me, No Matter What.
Have you ever heard anyone say the words "I'll love you, no matter what"? I have. In fact, I was watching TV last night and someone said it on a show I was watching. It got me thinking, could I ever love someone no matter what? Would I ever want someone to love me no matter what?
Definitely not.
Think about it. Loving someone no matter what they do, no matter what they say, no matter where they go. Completely unconditional love and devotion. Dogs don't even have that kind of loyalty, and we look at them as the most loving creatures in the world. I don't think I could handle being with someone who let me get away with everything. Where's the fun in that?
And yet for some reason, people consider those words romantic. I'll love you honey, no matter what. It makes people smile, puts butterflies into the stomachs of millions. But they are words of failure. To love somebody no matter what allows them to do anything, to you and to themselves. It's sort of stupid.
I think we need to start thinking about what we say. So, I've got a new one for you. How about from now on we say this: "I'll never love you forever. I'll love you as long as you continue to make me smile, you stay by my side, and you always put me first." But then, that's sort of long. How about this:
"I'll love you until you fuck up."
Definitely not.
Think about it. Loving someone no matter what they do, no matter what they say, no matter where they go. Completely unconditional love and devotion. Dogs don't even have that kind of loyalty, and we look at them as the most loving creatures in the world. I don't think I could handle being with someone who let me get away with everything. Where's the fun in that?
And yet for some reason, people consider those words romantic. I'll love you honey, no matter what. It makes people smile, puts butterflies into the stomachs of millions. But they are words of failure. To love somebody no matter what allows them to do anything, to you and to themselves. It's sort of stupid.
I think we need to start thinking about what we say. So, I've got a new one for you. How about from now on we say this: "I'll never love you forever. I'll love you as long as you continue to make me smile, you stay by my side, and you always put me first." But then, that's sort of long. How about this:
"I'll love you until you fuck up."
200th post
Well, this is my 200th post. I did have an interesting topic to discuss, but now I think I'll just comment on my achievement. I have written 200 different pieces of nonsense on this blog. I hope you have enjoyed them.
As I said before, let's go for 100 more!
As I said before, let's go for 100 more!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Capri Sun
You're at the pool, you're young, you want a cool and refreshing beverage? Why not bust out a box drink? Well what could be better than a box drink? How about a beverage in an aluminum-plastic case that's soft, cools easily, and has a unique way to open it? How about a Capri Sun!
No.
Capri Suns are quite simply the worst idea for kids of all times. First of all, all the flavours are completely artificial. But hey, kids like artificial flavouring. Also, it doesn't matter what flavour the Capri Sun may be, it's still going to come out clear. Kids don't like that.
No, the true problem with a Capri Sun is this: There are only two (2) possible outcomes for opening a Capri Sun.
1) You shove the straw in while squeezing the stupid container, and the juice comes right out and squirts you in the face.
2) You don't sqeeze the container for fear of being squirted in the face, and instead shove the straw into the aluminium-plastic just to have it come straight out the other side.
I just don't understand how Capri Suns made it so big when they hate kids.
No.
Capri Suns are quite simply the worst idea for kids of all times. First of all, all the flavours are completely artificial. But hey, kids like artificial flavouring. Also, it doesn't matter what flavour the Capri Sun may be, it's still going to come out clear. Kids don't like that.
No, the true problem with a Capri Sun is this: There are only two (2) possible outcomes for opening a Capri Sun.
1) You shove the straw in while squeezing the stupid container, and the juice comes right out and squirts you in the face.
2) You don't sqeeze the container for fear of being squirted in the face, and instead shove the straw into the aluminium-plastic just to have it come straight out the other side.
I just don't understand how Capri Suns made it so big when they hate kids.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Tug-Boat Piracy
New story printed on the Mitchener Chronicles titled Tug-Boat Piracy.
Go check it out!
http://mitchenerchronicles.blogspot.com/
Go check it out!
http://mitchenerchronicles.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Mitchener Chronicles
A new short story is up on The Mitchener Chronicles with several more to come. I have a stockpile now, so expect a new one every few days.
http://mitchenerchronicles.blogspot.com/2008/10/fighting-fu.html
http://mitchenerchronicles.blogspot.com/2008/10/fighting-fu.html
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Hilarious and Disappointing
My mother has this strange obsession with spam mail. It's rather embarrasing seeing as I am such a huge advocate of anti-spam mail, but still, it's what she does. Today, she sent me something that I must admit was actually quite entertaining. Here's what it read:
Unfortunately for me, I'm not an American. In fact, I'm currently attempting to renew my residency to the US, which proves that I am not, nor will I be soon, a citizen of this country. All the same, I think the ratio difference between American's and European's is quite amusing. American's don't really walk very much. 900 miles a year is barely moving your legs if you think about it. That means that in a single day you only walk about 2.5 miles. That's nothing!
In truth though, the ratio for the English would probably be about the same. See, we walk a lot. Probably upwards of 5 miles a day. My grandmother walks almost 7 every day, and she's 80. Imagine what we youngsters can do! Of course this just means that in order to maintain a comfortable 41 miles per gallon, we are forced to consume more alcohol. I know it seems rough, but we suck it up. We wouldn't want to be hyper efficient and weigh in at 200 miles per gallon now would we?
| For Your Info: If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49.00 left. With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 cash. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon. Makes You Proud To Be An American! |
Unfortunately for me, I'm not an American. In fact, I'm currently attempting to renew my residency to the US, which proves that I am not, nor will I be soon, a citizen of this country. All the same, I think the ratio difference between American's and European's is quite amusing. American's don't really walk very much. 900 miles a year is barely moving your legs if you think about it. That means that in a single day you only walk about 2.5 miles. That's nothing!
In truth though, the ratio for the English would probably be about the same. See, we walk a lot. Probably upwards of 5 miles a day. My grandmother walks almost 7 every day, and she's 80. Imagine what we youngsters can do! Of course this just means that in order to maintain a comfortable 41 miles per gallon, we are forced to consume more alcohol. I know it seems rough, but we suck it up. We wouldn't want to be hyper efficient and weigh in at 200 miles per gallon now would we?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)