Mitchener Chronicles

A new short story is up on The Mitchener Chronicles with several more to come. I have a stockpile now, so expect a new one every few days.


http://mitchenerchronicles.blogspot.com/2008/10/fighting-fu.html

Hilarious and Disappointing

My mother has this strange obsession with spam mail. It's rather embarrasing seeing as I am such a huge advocate of anti-spam mail, but still, it's what she does. Today, she sent me something that I must admit was actually quite entertaining. Here's what it read:

For Your Info: If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49.00 left. With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 cash. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon. Makes You Proud To Be An American!

Unfortunately for me, I'm not an American. In fact, I'm currently attempting to renew my residency to the US, which proves that I am not, nor will I be soon, a citizen of this country. All the same, I think the ratio difference between American's and European's is quite amusing. American's don't really walk very much. 900 miles a year is barely moving your legs if you think about it. That means that in a single day you only walk about 2.5 miles. That's nothing!

In truth though, the ratio for the English would probably be about the same. See, we walk a lot. Probably upwards of 5 miles a day. My grandmother walks almost 7 every day, and she's 80. Imagine what we youngsters can do! Of course this just means that in order to maintain a comfortable 41 miles per gallon, we are forced to consume more alcohol. I know it seems rough, but we suck it up. We wouldn't want to be hyper efficient and weigh in at 200 miles per gallon now would we?

Have I Got This Right?

I was reading sky news today updating myself on the hurricane that's about to hit sunny ol' Texas when I stumbled across, quite on accident, an article about Sarah Palin. I enjoy her talking. I think it's because I really like listening to idiots dig holes for themselves while more intelligent people just sit there and nod along. Still, here's the article I read:

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Sarah-Palin-John-McCains-Republican-Running-Mate-Says-War-With-Russia-May-Be-Necessary/Article/200809215097920?f=rss

For those who won't read it, here you go: It's about how Palin says that America may have to go to war with Russia if the country chooses to attack/invade anyone else. Strong declaration for a vice-presidential candidate, don't you think? She's not even in office yet and she's setting the bar for war. I want to know where these troops are coming from, because they sure aren't coming from Iraq if the republican party wins the election. Maybe she should have just said "I would like to stretch our supply lines so thin we can't win any war at all!"

I found the opening line of the article the most interesting kickoff of any article I've read in quite some time. It opens with the words "The 44-year-old mother-of-five..." I'm glad to see she has been keeping herself busy while not dealing with politics. Those last three kids probably just walked right out of her body carrying pamphlets that read: "vote for mommy, she's a beauty pageant winner!"

Mainly, I just want to make sure I have this right: Sarah Palin is a vice-presidential candidate for a man who, if gets elected president, will have a heart attack before his first week in office is up. She has five children, won a beauty pageant way back when, got her ex-brother-in-law fired from his job, and is already planning on going to war with Russia.

Did I miss anything?

Red Ring of Death

My Xbox360 red ringed a few days ago. For the 360 owners out there, I don't really have to explain any further, but for those of you who don't actually own one, it's like the heart attack and full organ shutdown of Xbox360's. It's rather depressing actually. In my case, my Xbox even made a pathetic little whimper when it died, similar to a car trying to start up with no gasoline left.

The real problem is that I never realized just how big a part of my life that system is. I use it as a communication tool, and gaming platform, an HD TV, a music station- it's quite literally everything. Now that I don't have it, I feel completely cut off from the world.

Pathetic, isn't it.

All the same, it's gone and I have to wait three weeks for it to be repaired. So, in the mean time, I need help coming up with things to do. So far I've discovered the games "sleep", "eat", and "twiddle your thumbs". They are all pretty cool, but I'm looking for something a bit more... off the wall. It's important that I'm entertained.

So, in other words, help.

Never Forget Elephants

I'm the type of person who is often scared by stupid things. I'm not talking about thriller movies or roller coasters, but rather real life situations that happen to all of us. For example, if I'm walking down the street and I see a man wearing a black hoodie in the summer, I assume I'm about to get mugged. It's a defence mechanism. In some ways, I suppose I over think things. I keep building the little things up higher and higher until my once ankle tall mound of dirt has become a mountain of conspiracies and ridiculous fears. I say this because it's important to understand that I'm not ignorant of my irrational fears. I have never been mugged by a hoodie-wearing punk with thirty-six piercings in his nose, nor do I know anyone who has been mugged by a similar looking individual, but that doesn't stop me being prepared for it to happen.

Knowing this about me, imagine how afraid I must have been when I saw the Taiwanese elephants paint self portraits several months ago. They would take a paintbrush in their trunks, dip it into some paint, and paint a picture of an elephant holding a pretty little flower in its trunk. The worst part is that the picture wasn't even bad! I'm no artist, but I don't think I could ever paint an elephant as well as these elephants can. When I'm bested by animals that lack higher level thinking, I start to worry. People were cheering, clapping, gasping, and awing.

I wasn't.

I was too busy thinking about what this could mean for our generation. Elephants are smart, we already know that, but just how smart? They are the only other animal in the world that suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Once, they were kind and friendly creatures. Now, they are becoming increasingly violent and are hunting down humans for sport. Not only that, but they have been known to use sticks as weapons, open doors, sneak around in dark places and wait for people to unsuspectingly walk into a trap where six or seven elephants will pounce out and attack. Elephants are dangerous.

I suppose that's why I didn't applaud. I was suddenly afraid. If elephants are smart enough to open doors, use tools, and paint pictures, I firmly believe they are smart enough to be up to something sneaky. I think these paintings were a mere distraction. A false sense of security, if you will. I wasn't buying it.

I left the show and vowed never to live in a country that was prone to elephants. Those animals are just getting too smart for their own good, and I don't want to be there when our relationship with them goes sour.

Yes, our Olympians are 16...

As everyone knows, the Olympics are on. It's strange though, because this time people are actually watching them. I don't know if it was because they were held in the southern hemisphere four years ago, but no one above the equator seemed bothered to tune in. The viewing audience consisted of those third world countries that have a TV/Person ratio of 1:28319, and Australia. This year, however, people are pulling up chairs and watching the Olympics. It's on almost everywhere you go, and on multiple televisions. I suppose it's because of this that I have some questions to ask:

What are the American girls doing? I saw a 21 year old woman doing gymnastics! People shouldn't be competing in gymnastics if they are over 17, and I'm being generous. That 21 year old fell off the balance beam, and then ass planted on her next event also! She's killing the team!

China has the right idea though. Their girls are all below the age of 12. I'm sorry, but China, you aren't fooling anyone. We know their passports say they are 16, and can legally compete in the Olympics, but you also have to remember that we know you are China. We know you have no qualms with cheating. We also know what a girl looks like when she's 8 and not 16. Surprisingly, there's quite a difference. You may be wrapped up in the stereotype that we think you all look alike, but we aren't that stupid! If I can tell the difference between a 4 month puppy and a 6 month puppy, I'm pretty sure I know that a human being is between the age bracket of 8-12 instead of 15-17. That's not a hard thing to figure out.

But hey, you're China, you can do what you want. When the Olympics are being held in London, we'll see how many 12 year old girls you'll be competing with!

...Probably a lot. England doesn't like confrontation with foreigners anymore.

San Antonio's Number One

It rained here today. For those who are avid readers, you know that to me, that's a wonderful thing. I love the rain entirely, with absolutely nothing bad to say about it. Yet, with all things perfect, people always try to find a way to ruin it. Especially in good old San Antonio.

The truth is that San Antonio is statistically the most dangerous place in America to own a car. Everywhere else I've lived, I have probably seen about two or three accidents a year. All those times, I had never once actually see someone hit another person. In the three years I have lived in San Antonio, I have seen over several hundred. To put it simply, if there is a rainstorm and I haven't seen at least three separate collisions by the time I have reached my destination, I consider it a safe day.

Today, during a drive that lasted me seven minutes, I saw six. Ironically, I actually saw two of them happen. It is in times like that that I truly know just how stupid some people are. Both of those accidents could have been avoided if the drivers would just drive like intelligent people. The sad thing is that people simply aren't intelligent. Both of the accidents happened the same way. Two cars were speeding off into the rain doing about 75mph down the two-lane freeway that takes me to school. The rain was too thick, there was too much on the road, and as the car started driving up the hill where the thickest layer of moving water was concentrated, he hydroplaned and drove straight off into another car. The best part, right after accident one happened, the car behind him saw it happen, swerved around, and got into accident two right at the bottom of the next hill.

San Antonio drivers are just terrible.

Admitting Defeat

It's hard for most people to admit they are wrong. Luckily for me, I exist to you in a world where I am never wrong, so it's not an issue for me, but for those less fortunate than myself, there will always come a time when that person must admit that they were wrong. The nice thing to do is to sit back and let them admit it while you keep your peace.

I do it the other way. I much prefer to, when someone admits they are wrong, rub it in their face for as long as I possibly can. When you do this, most people will respond in the same classic fashion. First, they will try to take back what they said. Then, when they realize they can't, they will try to shift the blame onto you somehow. It's like watching a fish out of water, struggling for some of that delicious H2O and not being able to find it. It's pathetic, sad, and at the same time oddly amusing.

I did this the other day with one of my girlfriend's friends. He was talking trying to sound smart, as most people do when they are around people they don't know, and he said something about how every life was valuable and no one should be killed ever. So naturally i jumped to the extreme end of the statement and asked him if he would kill Castro or Kim Jong-il if he bumped into them in a private location with no one around. Naturally, he stuttered and admitted he would gladly shoot them without any remorse. So, I spent the next twenty minutes making him admit who else he would kill. Apparently, he doesn't have much value for human life, and I'll tell you what, after that huge spiel I put him through, I bet you I'm on the rapidly growing list of people he would kill.

When people are wrong, it's great. Enjoy it. It's fun to poke at stupidity.

The Internet isn't here for your Problems

Usually I pick topics to write about that have nothing to do with anything of importance. Today is no exception to that rule, however, unlike on usual days in which I would write about some random article I found or some pathetic conversation I overheard, todays topic is about something more directly related to me. I say to me, but in truth, you all know someone who does just this. So, in a way, I suppose this blog is directly related to all of us.

We all have that friend who lives their life as if it's an emotional roller coaster. They fuck, they drink, they yell, they bitch, they complain, they cry (excessively), and they talk a lot of shit. In the end, they are usually the most fragile people on the face of the planet, acting tough to seem big when in truth they are so soft that one wrong word leads them to cry their eyes out in the confines of their bedroom. Really, if you think about it, it's sort of sad. But then, these types of people always bring what I'm about to say on themselves.

They have this obsession with letting everyone else know when they are pissed. They do it constantly, when they are in person they yell and pick fights, when they have friends around they talk shit behind peoples backs, and when no one is there to listen, they do the most pathetic thing of all and post their constant status on the internet. From away messages, to face book status changes, they are constantly updating their emotions, be it: "Pissed off" or "Hating you so much right now for what you did", they for some reason believe that the rest of the world cares even the slightest about their issues.

In truth, if they would just stop bitching for five minutes, maybe people would start caring. The reality of the situation is that even their closest friends end up rejecting their calls just to avoid another conversation about how their lives aren't perfect and why so-and-so did something that pissed them off.

If you are one of these people, or know one of these people, do the world a favour. Tell them to stop being who they are. The Internet is not a place for your problems, and more importantly, no one cares about them anyway.

The Upcoming Electainment

I find it hard to believe that the current generation of educated individuals hold the electoral process in high regard. It seems that, with all the media attention, that it has far surpassed the point of legitimate politics. What with televised coverage of every action the candidates make and recorded evidence of every word they speak, it has become more of a reality TV show than a campaign trail.

This election in particular has really brought this to the surface. It just feels like I am watching low-quality entertainment. The sad thing is, this is real life. This isn't reality tv where people throw chairs and get drunk and have jobs pretending to be actors while living a house or trying to find out if their ex is cheating on them by going to a scripted hotel. This is real life. This is an election.

But just look at what is happening here. It's the most fantastic and dramatic circle of back stabbing, betrayal, and ignorance the world has ever seen! Let me break down the candidates for you how I see them:

President:

Obama: Is he black? Is he Muslim? Does he even like America? Who knows, and quite frankly, who cares! He's different, he's quiet, he seems to know a lot about something, though for the life of me I can't figure out what it is. But hey, he's nice, and that's what counts, especially in a world where everyone is trying to kill one-another.

McCain: A man so old that the silver in his fillings was brewed in the earth shortly after he was conceived. He is running for president with the one slogan that could ruin any man: "I support Bush". What with Bush's political support ratings currently less than Nixon's during his impeachment proceedings, it makes you wonder why a man would sell his career down the drain before it even begins.

Vice-President:

Hillary: A guaranteed victor in this role of "second-best", Hillary is known for her amazing ability to manipulate the world with her mind controlling abilities. It is believed that if you stare directly into her eyes, she will steal your soul from your body, and make you her mindless slave. She is the only one with any real intelligence, playing the cards to her total advantage. She has realized that, with Obama being the most likely President to be assassinated in the history of the United States, and McCain being almost 7,000 years old, she sees the opportunity to be President without even needing to put forth any effort.

I'm sorry, but it's completely undeniable that this election is purely for the entertainment of the viewers. It goes from comedy, to drama, to romance, to... anything before you even have time to judge it.

So welcome, to Electainment TV!

No Gun Laws

Today in Psychology of Health, we were separated into groups to discuss the different forms of stimuli involved in particular scenarios. So, as people do when they are placed into groups, we began talking about something completely off topic. Today I was fortunate enough to be paired with my friend Kate, who I have known for a good five years at this point, and some random person guy who was once a member of the Army. He was a grunt, and like almost every service man who signs his soul away, he came back from war hating his country, his government, and everything he once believed he stood for.

I want to make a side note here: I have in recent months made friends with a great many former servicemen. There seems to be an epidemic in the making here on a psychological level for many of our soldiers. It seems that a Vietnam-like response is happening with the war on terror. Everyone knows that when soldiers came back from Vietnam, the public ridiculed them and made their lives hell. Now it seems that instead of the public beating up the soldiers, the soldiers do it to themselves. I don't know a single grunt,or officer come to think of it(of which I will admit that I only know two), who has come back from Iraq and not hated everything about himself.

Odd really.

Back to the point, though. This guy in front of me started talking about how much he hated America. I'm fine with that, because honestly, I hate this place too. Apparently, we hated it for different reasons. I'm a big fan of taking matters into my own hands. I don't trust anyone, nor do I enjoy putting faith in others. It makes me uncomfortable. This goes for everyone; friends, family, police, etc. Well, this guy started telling me how America was all screwed up because of the fact that anyone can carry a gun.

I'm sorry, but that is one of America's saving graces. The guy started telling me how much safer Europe was than the states. I couldn't help but laugh at his misfortune. He was arguing with me, an Englishman with a great deal of personal experience with English life, about how England is safer than America. Let me explain just how wrong he was:

America grants citizens the right to carry a weapon. Granted, it runs the risk of putting registered firearms into the hands of bad people. It also gives good people the chance to carry exactly the same firepower as their enemies. Let's face it, police officers aren't always there. In fact, issues involving civilians quarrels aren't even high on their list of priorities. If someone were to pull out a gun and threaten to kill me, I would like to have the same luxury of drawing a weapon on him. Fighting fire with fire can be extremely useful at times.

England, however, doesn't have that luxury. In the UK, if you want to get a gun, you can. It's illegal, and you have to go through some shady ass people, but it's possible to do. This limits the possession of firearms to bad people. Cops don't even carry guns in the UK. It's considered "unsafe". Think about that for a minute. If a guy draws a gun on you in England, your options are as follows: give him everything you own and beg for you life, or try to punch him- hard- hard enough that he'll go down in one hit, or you're dead.

I'm sorry, but gun control is a terrible idea. Bad people will always find a way to get weapons. I would like a fighting chance if I find myself being held at gunpoint. But hey, that's just me.

ESP or Evolution?

I was reading my Philosophy of Learning book when I came across this little tidbit of information. Apparently, it has been examined and studied, rather closely, that "more people believe in ESP, a collection of phenomena that science has not been able to verify, than believe in evolution, a theory that has received enormous scientific support." (Lefrancois 13)

Don't get me wrong, I've always known that evolution has been argued by the blind. I mean, it's hard for the ignorant to understand science. Knowledge scares them. I think their reaction to education is similar to the reaction of cavemen to fire. It's scary, it's dangerous, and quite frankly, it hurts them. For even an ignorant idiot to stand up and say "I'm telling you, my sister can read my mind, one time she passed me a bag of chips when I hadn't even asked for them. But that there fossil aint no proof of nothing! I don't care if there's clear and obvious connections to modern day mammals, that there rat is clearly just a retarded rat!

But hey, now that I've clearly stated my opinion, what do you think? Do you believe in evolution? Do you believe the Earth is the third planet from the sun? Do you believe in gravity? Do you believe in ESP? If your answers were anything other than yes, yes, yes, no, then I propose this question for you to sit down and think about: What is wrong with you?

Works Cited:

Lefrancois, Guy. Theories of Human Learning: What the Old Woman Said. 5th ed. Thomas Wadsworth, Belmont CA 2006.

One Way Out

Life is a curious adventure. For me, it is made even more exciting by the lack of adventure that will follow it. As you all know, I believe that once this life is over, there is nothing else. There is no after life, no second chance, nor any reincarnation as an African Warrior Ant. This is it, from beginning to end, this is it.

A lot of people ask me how I can live like that, believing that this is all we get. To me, it's not a matter of planning for the future, or hoping that something will continue on just to avoid the nothing that is inevitably before me. It is simply a matter of truth.

We go through this life making decisions that effect not only ourselves, but countless hundreds of others also. We may not realize we are doing it at the time, but every single action has a consequence. The simple act of purchasing a chicken from the grocery store means that there is one less chicken in the world for someone else. That single purchase may have influenced the market so that more chickens were sold to stores rather than sold/given to charities to feed the starving. In that sense, your purchase shifted food away from the starving and fed your already healthy body inevitably killing a starving man, woman, or child elsewhere in the world.

We cannot function focusing only on consequence. We must live to provide the best possible lives for ourselves, and those we know and love. It is impossible to think for everyone, or hurt no one. Everything will cause someone pain or grief, and give someone else joy and hope.

The truth of the matter is this: Life is here, and no matter what you believe will happen once it is over, there is one thing you can be certain about. You can fight against hurting people, you can fight to achieve your every goal, and you can even fight to survive. But no matter how hard you try, in the end, life its self is the one fight that you will never come out of alive.

100% Genuine!

As I've aged, I have been noticing a large number of changes in the fast food industry. They have really been taking steps in the more recent years to make their food more marketable to the non-grossly obese, so that they too can join the ranks of rapidly fattening individuals. The only problem is, to rope in the health nuts, fast food and microwave food has had to start changing up their ingredients to make them more marketable. Don't get me wrong, it's not that they are good for you, but rather that they aren't quite as bad for you as they once were. I'm fine with all of this, but today I opened up a box of Hot Pockets to find the box reading as follows:

"Now with REAL Cheese!"

What was I eating before?! I have been buying Ham and Cheese hot pockets for years now, and you mean to tell me that up until this box, that yellow delicious inside the bread coating wasn't cheese? What the hell was it then?!

Wendy's did something similar to me also. It was around 2003-2004 when they started to advertise their dollar menu, as did most fast food chains. Honestly, I never had much faith that the quality or grade of meat is high when I'm eating at a fast food chain, but I like to know that what I'm eating is actually the meat I'm ordering. For example, Hong Kong had to close down one of its KFC's because the KFC was substituting its chicken meat for rat meat. I ate there a couple times before they closed it down. So obviously, since then, I have always enjoyed knowing my beef is beef, my chicken is chicken, and my fish is fish. Well, when Wendy's started advertising their 5 chicken nuggets for a dollar, it ran with this slogan:

"Now with all genuine chicken meat!"

Again, what the hell?! What was I eating before? It is called a chicken nugget, so I expect it to be a CHICKEN nugget. Why are you telling me now that all the chicken nuggets I had in the past from you, Wendy, are really just anything nuggets. What meat was in there before it was chicken?!

Stupid world and its crazy food groups.

Wiped!

I have said many times just how much I dislike Mac's:

http://mitchenermind.blogspot.com/2007/10/no-mac-for-me.html

Well, I think it's time for me to make a counterpoint. As someone who knows how to use a PC with above average skills, it is difficult for me to admit this, but there is a feature about Macs that just might be a little bit better than PC's. I recently wiped my PC completely clean. It was acting up, going a bit too slow for my liking, so I decided to get rid of a few programmes to speed things up. I didn't really want to spend a week hunting down problem-programmes, however, so I went out, bought a 250GB hard drive, backed up my essentials, and restored my PC to its factory settings. This was my "shortcut" to an otherwise agonizing week.

Woops.

Clearly, it has been some time since I had to reinstall everything. It's not as fun and easy as one would think. Since I have wiped my computer clean, I have spent approximately 7 collective hours reinstalling everything I need. I'm about 45%  done. 

It is for this reason that I am doing something that I don't often do. I'm admitting that I was wrong. Mac's aren't all bad. They do have one extremely redeeming feature: they keep trucking on at the same speed as the day you bought them, 3 years after you first turned it on. 

However, I still would never get a Mac. 

They're awful...

... just like those who use them.

Chinese Miracle

Today I was flipping through the multiple channels of the sky news website when i stumbled across this badboy of an article:

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30200-1317088,00.html?f=rss

For those of you who, like me, would just skip over the link without bothering to read it, allow me to explain: An 80 year old half-paralyzed man was discovered in China 11 (eleven!) days after being buried alive by rubble in the semi-recent earthquakes. Apparently, he survived because his wife kept passing him food through an opening which joined their two chambers of trapped isolation. 

This sparked a large number of questions for me.

First, how was this woman getting food? Was she just fortunate enough to be trapped next to a fridge? Chances are really good that if a building is going to collapse on you, you are going to use up all of your luck just living through the collapse. I don't think fate is as generous as to grant you easy access to a refrigerator as well as a nook with air and space to survive. No, I think things may be a bit worse than that. Look at these people. They are 80 years old. They need protein to survive, and lots of it. So, two 80 year old people trapped underground in need of food and protein... perhaps they ate another person? That would be more reasonable, don't you think? They are trapped underground and need food, perhaps a son/daughter-in-law got trapped with them. If the person wasn't loved, it wouldn't be hard for the oldies to consume them in order to survive.

Still, this is pretty crazy. 80 year old people aren't supposed to survive collapsing buildings! If an old lady sits down too hard she shatters her pelvis! This man as trapped underneath a beam for almost two weeks, and somehow, he come out the same way he went in: semi-paralyzed. Crazy. I think the key here is the fact that these people are Asian. If they were white, those old farts would've been dead before the quake had even brought down their house. White people don't deal with pressure well. Look at New Orleans. When those levies broke and that water came pouring in, how many black people migrated to Houston for relief? A lot. How many white people? None. Why? They all drowned! It's a shame, but it's true. We, as white people, are doomed to die whenever anything bad happens. 

It kinda makes me sad I'm not Asian... and 80...

My Previous Argument

This whole omnipotence argument has raised a lot of questions from a lot of people. Surprisingly, more people have come back to me and said "you're wrong" than "you're right". I thought by now you would know this people: I'm always right. This is my world, my creation, and my house. How dare you come into my house and tell me I'm wrong! On this blog, I am omnipotent. Deal with it.

That's not entirely true. I do like contradiction, and if you really can prove me wrong, I would love to hear it. If it's a compelling argument, I will even recant my previous argument regarding omnipotence, however, I think you're going to have some problems doing that. Let me explain why.

I think those of you who are shaking their heads negatively at me are not reading the bolded words on the previous post. Let me redefine omnipotence for you:

Omnipotent
Having unlimited or universal power, authority, or force; all-powerful.

That's the dictionary definition of omnipotent. Universal power. All-powerful. Therefor, it doesn't matter what you say about the situation, what you try to do, this being could change it. It has the power to do absolutely anything, be it conceivable or not. You don't have to be able to understand how or why, you just have to understand the definition. There is no end to what an omnipotent being could do, because it can do anything. Therefor, no matter what you throw at me, no matter how much you try to convince me that it could never be, the simple definition of omnipotence slaps you in the face. In some sense, you're right. You can very well convince me, or stop me or even God from changing math. But when it comes to an omnipotent being, then sadly, there is absolutely nothing he can't do.

Nothing.

Throw all the proofs, theorems, equations, and arguments at me that you want. Defeat me if you can. But never will you be able to say that an omnipotent being can't do something, because it can do anything.

Which leads me to my next question: could two omnipotent beings exist simultaneously? If the being is all-knowing and all-powerful, then it would exist everywhere at once and be capable of thinking absolutely everything at the same time. If two beings existed everywhere at once thinking everything at the same time, would they not be just one being? If they think the same, act the same, exist in the same place, are we sure there's even two, or is it still just one?

I stand by my statement with which I opened up the previous post: Omnipotence is very, very, very interesting

Omnipotence

Omnipotence is a very interesting concept.

Many religions believe that an omnipotent god exists, but equally as many believe that one doesn't. I had a discussion the other day in my philosophy class that I would like to share with all of you. First, I will pose the question to you, and then you can answer it before I declare my beliefs in the matter. If you don't like that idea, you can just read on from the following paragraph straight into my response. It's really up to you.

The question was as follows:

Could an Omnipotent make it so that rules that could never be broken could be broken? For example: 2+3=5. Could an Omnipotent being make it so that 2+3=6 without changing the way you perceived the world?

What do you, my readers, have to say about this? Before you answer the question, take a look at this guys name: is that not one of coolest names you've ever seen? Alistair. Don't you feel like he should be wearing royal robes and a crown? Anyhow, back to the main question. What do you think?

My class said "No, because math is math, and it follows the same basic rules regardless of how you treat it. Because of this, the end result would always be five if you took two and three and added them up. Not even an omnipotent being could change that."

If you were thinking something along the lines of my class, allow me to share with you just how wrong you really are. It's rather simple really, if you think about it. It's all in the definition of the key word being used here: Omnipotent. Omnipotence means all knowing and all powerful. I don't much like using bold to make a point, but I can't help it I'm afraid. If I were to try and emphasize the importance of that definition through my words, it would take me hours. So, instead, it's bolded to let you know that every time you start questioning this response, an omnipotent being is ALL knowing and ALL powerful.

If a being were omnipotent, it would have the ability to do whatever it wanted whenever it wanted. If it wanted to, it certainly could make 2+3=6. It could, using it's unlimited power, make it so that every time you took two of an item and put them with three of another item, a sixth item poofed out of thin air and you had six. It would simply be the way things were, and you would not have changed your understanding of math, but instead have learned that if you have two, and add three, you always get six.

The biggest problem with this argument is, however, that it is self defeating. Why would an omnipotent being ever want to do this? It's omnipotent, and therefor knows the end result of every conceivable event already. What motivation would it have to do anything? The only reason an omnipotent being would act would be if it couldn't possibly know what happened next, because if it already knew, it would have essentially already have done it in its mind and therefor would not be concerned with trying again.

Omnipotence is a very, very interesting concept.

Need to Clean

Bathrooms are interesting. I realize that without them we would still be dropping a load in a freshly dug hole, or bathing in icy rivers. I suppose you could say that the bathroom is a clever invention, that without it, we would all be germ ridden cesspools of disaster. But before we stick to this, I want you to go step into your bathroom and look around. Just go look, and tell me if this is what you see:

A toilet next to a sink and a bathtub. A toilet, in which you drop every excrement from your body, besides the two locations you use to clean yourself. On that sink, a toothbrush that sits out day in and out where it can collect germs during all 23 hours and 50 minutes it isn't being used. Perhaps a sponge or brush in the shower, just sitting there becoming the wonderful breeding ground for mildew or mold during the minutes of intense humidity following a nice warm shower. 

Now ask yourself this: How often do you clean that bathroom? Once a week like me? Twice a month? Once a month? If you are nodding your head to that final question, or I didn't list your recurring cleaning sessions, then you should probably sit down and rethink your hygiene. You piss into a collection device that sits right next to your sink. You bathe in a tub that, if not cleaned regularly, grows mold, mildew, and other collections of wonderful bacteria.

What am I saying here? Well, really, I just wanted to make a point: we may have evolved from shitting in holes and bathing in rivers, but we still haven't really mastered the art of hygiene if we piss and bathe in the same room.

An (Un)fortunate U-Turn

Today was one of those days that would have vanished into lost memories were it not for a single event that happened to fall right before my head hit the pillow to end the day. You see, today, I happened to do something that most readers of this blog will have a hard time believing. It's not because what happened is improbable, or that you wouldn't have done the same thing. No, it's the fact that I, James R. Mitchener, did what I did. Today, I saved a man's life.

It was 02:00 in the morning, and I was driving my friend back to his apartment so that he could crash for the night. It's not a long drive, no more than three minutes from point A to B. Well, after I made the only turn in the entire journey, something happened that you don't usually expect in the wee hours of the morning: A guy stumbled out into the road and into my peripheral vision. Thankfully, he was on the other side of the road, but as I glanced into my mirror, I saw him try to regain his footing, and then stumble right back into the usually busy street. Sighing deeply, I was overcome with this awkward sensation that I can only describe as "wanting to do the right thing."

Now, for those of you familiar with this feeling, I have a question. How do you deal with it? It's this awkward sensation, almost like a child screaming "I don't wanna!" while he does exactly what he was told to do. It's terrible. Regardless, I was overwhelmed. I pulled a quick U-Turn, drove up next to this guy, and rolled down my window. And there he was, acting like that very child, clutching hard to the guardrail on the side of the road and balling his eyes out wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. That's right. Nothing else. No shirt, no shoes, no socks. He was standing outside in 52F weather crying and shaking. 

My friend, who I hadn't yet dropped off, called the crying stranger over to the car and asked where he was headed. Ironically, it was the very apartment complex we had just come from. With a direct order to be seated, the guy got into the car and immediately stopped crying. He told me what apartment he lived in, and I drove back and dropped him off. He stumbled out the car, muttering quietly "I have my keys... thanks for the ride..." and disappeared up into his room.

Then, I drove my friend home.

Clearly, this guy was tripping on something. I mean, I'm not stupid. If you're outside in just your shorts in 53 degree heat and stumbling into a busy road, you're definitely far beyond being just drunk. No, he was tripping hard, and I'm very confident that if it weren't for me, he'd be under the tire of some car right now instead of crying uncontrollably into the pillow of his bed.

The thing that really eats away at me? Did I really do a good thing here? I mean, I just saved the life of the very type of person that I've been bitching about for years. I just saved the epitome of stupid, the type of guy who wants to waste away his life on drugs while having other people spend all their money to educate him. 

I just saved what I hate, and honestly, I think my soul has died a little more because of it.

Returning With Change

I have had several people nagging at me recently to pick this thing up again and start writing about how I hate just about everyone for just about every reason. So, out of the kindness of my heart, I have finally given in and decided to do it. I'm going to continue writing the Mitchener Mind. However, I do not go into this as if I were picking up a book I've already read a hundred times. No. Things are going to be different. How different you ask? Well, stop being so damn nosey and give me a few seconds to explain!

First of all, my same dickish nature will remain. After all, it's in my name. James Richard Mitchener. It just calls for me to be a Dick. I also plan to continue to hate on everyone and everything, regardless of what I really believe about the situation. Of course, when it comes to talking about Bush, the Army, and anything die-hard republican, I never lie...

No, the big change comes not from me, but rather from my brother. You see, I couldn't quite figure out what it was that The Mitchener Mind was lacking. Then, it hit me. It needs another Mitchener. Well, my brother, being the creative little genius that he is, decided he was going to start making a video blog about how much he hates certain things. So, naturally, I thought "what better place to share this with the world than on the Mitchener Mind?"

So there you have it. I'm back, but I'm not alone. We look forward to hating you together, here, at the Mitchener Minds.

Dumbest Conversation Ever

This was a conversation between my brother and myself. This was the entire conversation. It started exactly as you see it, and ended the same way. This is the type of thing that happens when we talk just to each other. The world needs to know.

James says (9:21 PM):
you know what we should do?
Robert says (9:21 PM):
what?
James says (9:22 PM):
if when aliens came to earth, we peed on them, telling them that's how we greet oneanother
James says (9:22 PM):
it could be earth's joke
Robert says (9:22 PM):
Hmm, i don't know.
Robert says (9:22 PM):
They might be expecting that.
James says (9:23 PM):
maybe... we'd have to get someone good at not laughing to do it
James says (9:23 PM):
one snicker would make them suspect something
Robert says (9:23 PM):
And with a big dick.
Robert says (9:23 PM):
Because we don't want to look small.
James says (9:23 PM):
true
Robert says (9:23 PM):
Aliens usually prioritze strength by gurth...
Robert says (9:23 PM):
or so i've heard.
James says (9:23 PM):
me too
Robert says (9:24 PM):
yeah i think it could work.
James says (9:24 PM):
perhaps if their weakness was pee
James says (9:24 PM):
we could kill them with big dick urination
Robert says (9:25 PM):
That would just suck.
James says (9:25 PM):
so they'd die knowing our big penis' saved us all
Robert says (9:25 PM):
They would probobly then kill us.
Robert says (9:25 PM):
Yeah but if there are alot of them.
Robert says (9:25 PM):
That would be alot of urine.
James says (9:25 PM):
well, we'd lure them down with promises of candy
James says (9:26 PM):
or everyone would have to pee into a pee cannon
James says (9:26 PM):
which would be a huge supersoaker
James says (9:26 PM):
that shoots into space
Robert says (9:26 PM):
Well if urine is there weakness they wouldn't want candy.
James says (9:26 PM):
what if it was delicious candy?
Robert says (9:27 PM):
Maybe if it was very delicious looking.
James says (9:27 PM):
and then we'd pee cannon them
James says (9:27 PM):
which we'd market out to Supersoaker to build
James says (9:28 PM):
they're good at shooting fluids
Robert says (9:28 PM):
How could a urine cannon work?
Robert says (9:28 PM):
Everybody knows urine can't be preassurized.
James says (9:29 PM):
it'd be in a liquidgel film
James says (9:29 PM):
so when it fires, it'll be in a mushy wrapping
Robert says (9:29 PM):
Oh, smart thinking.
James says (9:29 PM):
and then when it impacts the target, it explodes like a water balloon
Robert says (9:29 PM):
What if the aliens are made of marshmellow.
James says (9:29 PM):
is their weakness still urine?
Robert says (9:29 PM):
Well that or being eaten i guess.
Robert says (9:29 PM):
How would the shell break on them.
James says (9:29 PM):
easy
James says (9:30 PM):
we'd attach a targeting laser to the cannon
James says (9:30 PM):
and put a detonation device inside the round
Robert says (9:30 PM):
Ah, do you think we'll have thta technology by then?
James says (9:30 PM):
so when it reaches the exact distance of the target, the device explodes
James says (9:30 PM):
i think if our lives depended on it, we'd be able to pull it off
Robert says (9:30 PM):
Smart thinking.
Robert says (9:30 PM):
Looks like you've got this all planned.
James says (9:30 PM):
i think so
Robert says (9:31 PM):
Just one question?
James says (9:31 PM):
yep?
Robert says (9:31 PM):
What if aliens come and their weakness isn't urine?
James says (9:31 PM):
i'm not prepared to face that problem
James says (9:31 PM):
let someone else do it
Robert says (9:31 PM):
lol
James says (9:31 PM):
i already created the contingency for urine weakened aliens
Robert says (9:31 PM):
perfect response