Direct Line

Did you know: The President of the United States has a direct line straight to the Pentagon. It is completely secure, untappable, unbreakable, unstoppable. So long as he is by his direct line telephone, he can make a secure call to the Pentagon with whatever orders he needs to give. He also has one to Russia that was set up during the cold war, so that no matter what happened, the two leaders would be able to contact each other.

Thinking about this made me decide one thing: I want a Direct Line somewhere! I don't even really care where it goes, I just want a direct line! How cool would it be to have a phone line that can never go down, no matter what happens to all the servers in the world? Just think, we nuke the whole planet, all the switchboards go off, all communications go down. So long as my line remains intact, I can still call my Eskimo buddies up north! I mean, I don't have Eskimo buddies, but I sure want them now, just for when the world is wiped out and I have a direct phone line to nowhere.

I'm really not bothered where it goes, but if I am lucky enough to get to choose, here are a few people I would like to share a direct line with:

Santa Clause. The guy is just so hard to get a hold of, and I have a very sneaky suspicion that the letters I used to send him as a kid never even made it to the North Pole. Does US Mail even deliver to the North Pole? Well, if I had a direct line to him, I wouldn't have to worry about frozen postal carriers and lost letters, would I?

ABC, and by extension whoever is in charge of Grey's Anatomy. This one I would like for a number of reasons. The first is so I could call them every day and let them know how not funny their show is. The second is so that for the first time since its release, someone could actually explain to me who is sleeping with who, and why people keep falling for the main character when she always looks like she is going to cry. Oh, also why people like the jockey frat guy when he so clearly resembles a frog.

Bill Gates. I just want to be able to bug him. I keep giving him money, and to be honest, I don't think I'm getting enough for what I pay. If I had a direct line to him and I could talk to him whenever I wanted, I think I would be alright with throwing countless thousands of dollars into his giant pockets.

God. Who wouldn't want that direct line?

That's pretty much it. A direct line would be fantastic. I know I've got you thinking, so tell me, if you could have a direct line to anyone, who would you pick?