It's important for people to rate their conversations. You can't have just one type of conversation, or one level of interest. It's important to stay entertained, and boring people just lack the ability to fulfill that need. That's why I've developed the James Method of Interest Alerts. Feel free to adopt it as your own.
The alerts are as follows:
Green Alert: I am highly interested. Everything you are saying is currently holding me at or above 95% of my attention span. You have me fully woven into whatever it is you are saying, and I want to hear as much as I can. Chances are good I'll sit quietly and let you talk for long periods of time because I am that interested in what you have to say.
Amber Alert: I am at that point where the conversation can go either way. The next words that come out of your mouth are very important to my future attention. If you say something to spark my interest, we may slip up to Green Alert. But, if you slip up and stumble, we may end up dropping down a level to...
Red Alert: You are boring me to death. It is absolutely vital that you change the topic of conversation immediately. You are dangerously close to having the current level of respect i have for you plummet. Abort conversation immediately.
Black Alert: I am so completely uninterested that I can't even begin to express how angry I am that you subjected me to this conversation. How dare you waste valuable minutes of my life on such a pointless conversation! Who do you think you are? What gives you the right to throw my life away like that?
Those are my alerts. Use them as you wish, and expect me to inform you of what alert level our conversation is currently producing.
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