The Moon

The Moon is a place of great mystery. There was a time when no one could tell you anything about it other than the fact that it was a big ball in sky. In fact, many people believed it was a place made entirely of cheese... Apparently we applied logic back then as often as we do now. That isn't fair of me, to make fun of people who believed the Moon was made entirely out of cheese, for today, I am going to explain to you how those few were in fact correct. But, before I begin, I must point out several common ideas about our moon. First, there is a cow that at some point jumped over the Moon. Second, there is a man up there actually in the Moon. Third, the Moon is made of cheese.

Alone, each of these ideas seem foolish. What we are missing, however, is the power of combination. Allow me to explain. The man that is apparently in the Moon is not any old man. Oh no. He's a farmer. He used to plan all his harvests by the weight of the Moon's movements. He was entirely dependent on the calender, watching the Moon every single night before he went to sleep to make sure he was on the correct schedule. If anything were off, he would immediately begin panicking, altering his plans around the lunar patterns. He became so hopeless dependent on the Moon that he simply couldn't live without it. The prospect of their being no moon orbiting Earth drove him mad. As time passed, he watched the Moon more and more. Soon, his crops began to suffer, but he did not notice. He started to stay up later, and sleep through the days so he could spend as much time around the Moon as possible. Then, one day, when he was so wrapped up in the Moon that he was fully convinced that no other place existed anywhere, he fell asleep, and awoke on the lunar surface where he lives even today.

His story does not end here. The very same morning his wife awoke to find her husband gone. She began to panic, and searched for him everywhere. When she could not find him, she sunk into a terrible sorrow. She, unlike her husband, did not let her desires get the better of her however. She continued to care for the farm, milking the cows every day and collecting the eggs from the chicken coop. But her job could not hide her tears. Every day she would visit the cows to milk them, and her face would be lined with droplets of her sorrow.

One day, when she walked in to milk the cows, her favourite cow, Daisy (as all great cows are named) turned to her and said "I can take you too him, if you wish." There was no shock in the woman's eyes, for you see, her depression had confused her and she was fully convinced she was dreaming. "Please, take me." she said.

And so she climbed onto Daisy's back, who broke into an incredible run and jumped off into the sky. Now, as we all know, it takes a great deal of thrust to break the Earth's gravitational pull. There is no living species that we know of that can simply jump into space, and so Daisy was forced to resort to alternate measures to achieve the altitude she desired. Ejecting all the milk she had within her, she soared off into space and circled the Moon. As she rounded the lunar surface, the woman dismounted and landed comfortably on the low gravity surface. Daisy gave yet another thrust from her udders and began to soar back to the surface of the Earth.

Now Daisy's milk which had thrust her into space had to go somewhere. As it floated through space, it was pulled lightly towards the low gravity of the Moon. There, it crashed hard onto the surface, covering every inch of the planet in milk. The farmer and his wife took it upon themselves to walk the entire surface, churning the milk, and then letting it mold into cheese.

And that, my friends, is how the cow jumped over the Moon, how the man got on the Moon, and why the Moon is in fact made of cheese. You can thank me later for unveiling this truth.