Google is Closed: First Sign of the Apocalypse

Grab your ammo belts, sharpen your knives, stockpile your food and water supplies; Google is closed. That's right. Let me say it again, just to be sure you understand what I said. Google is closed. There is nobody in their offices. There is nobody responding to Adwords requests. There is nobody controlling the future of our society. Google, the leaders of the free world, are closed.

If you know anything about the apocalypse, then you understand the implications of this statement. With Google being closed, we have reached the point in human history where everything is turning upside down. The world has taken its first step towards chaos. Here's what you can expect to happen over the course of the next few days:

GC (Google Closing) +6hrs: The global source of information will begin to realize it is going unchecked. False information will begin to flood the interwebs, confusing fact and fiction. The Google Spider (a machine that documents all of this information) will not be able to keep up with the massive overload of unchecked information.

GC +12hrs: The Google Spider will shut down due to information overload. It will cease to document incoming information. The power that is Google will lose control of the internet.

GC +18hrs: People will begin struggling for internet dominance. With the massive flood of internet warfare, many different infrastructures will be damaged. Hackers will take the massive swarm of traffic as a "cover-by-night" approach and begin stealing bank account details, government secrets, and yes, even missile launch codes.

GC +24hrs: Hackers controlling nuclear silos all over the world will begin a power struggle. In an attempt to claim dominance, missiles will begin to fire.

GC +24hrs30min: The world will be glassed. Only a select few will survive.

GC +1yr: Society will have crumbled. All information will be lost due to global dependence on the internet.

GC +50yrs: Society will have reset into the stone age. We will be using rocks and sticks to kill each other to survive. Without the internet, no one will know how to build anything anymore.

GC +150yrs: Without the internet, people will forget how to procreate. The last of humanity will die off. The world will be left to the animals that didn't die in the Google Nuclear War.

It has begun. This is the beginning of the end.