Yea, Yea...

I know, I have been slacking off. I'm sorry. But that's not what's important here. What's important is this:

Blogger has changed the format of inputting blogs, and it is scary. I noticed it last time I wrote a blog, which as many of you have so kindly pointed out, was about a decade ago. But that in its self is off topic. I am here to bitch about this new input system.

Problem 1:
I can no longer copy/paste my short stories into the blogger network. For some reason, it no longer reads text from my word documents. I have to go some round-about way of inputting new stories, and seeing as I have edited my earlier two shorts, it seems a shame that I am unable to re-input them to the blogger site.

Problem 2:
You're ugly, and it makes me angry

Problem 3:
Blogger has changed the text font for inputting to Courier New. Normally, I would be alright with this, but for some reason I don't enjoy it when I'm blogging. I think it reminds me too much of my manuscripts that I still haven't sent off to be published. Who knows?

Problem 4:
I'm a lazy bastard, and I don't want to have to come up with solutions for all these problems!

Solutions wanted. If you know of anything, fill me in. Also, sorry for not blogging for "a decade". I have had a lot to do- it's a rough end to the semester. See you tomorrow, hopefully.

That's Just Not Pleasant

Smelling is a wonderful. It rivals our ability to see, giving us a clearer understanding of the world through a perception some animals are entirely lacking. Though our ability to smell isn't the greatest of the animal species, it is still something to be proud of. We can, for example, tell the difference between strawberry shortcake and a bowl of garlic, which can be very useful when hunting for desert. But with all great abilities, there is always great consequence. There are some things in this world that make us wish that we suffered from anosmia (the lack of sensory receptors, or the functioning of said receptors, in the nasal canal).

I know that most of you have already thought of the main one: human waste. But I think this field of disgust extends far beyond humanity. Most animal waste is equally as awful, and in many cases, far more common. For example, dogs like to piss on carpet. It's easy for them. They can spread their legs, lock into position, and then turn on the fountain. The problem with this is that no matter what you do, that smell just does not come out of the floor. It stays in there for months, festering and growing into something else; something terrible.

But what about the smell of death? For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to experience such a thing, death is easily the most horrible smell that exists. Decomposition is disgusting, and there is absolutely nothing about it that's appealing to anyone anywhere. Even most serial killers admit to dumping bodies before human decomp kicks in, just because the odour is so terrible. It's the same with animals. When a pet dies, that thing starts stinking within an hour or two. That smell, without even touching anything but the ground it collapsed on, manages to infest everything around it, clinging to fabric, brick, tile, wood; everything.

There are many more, such as skunk, dump trucks, animal fat, gasoline, landfill sights, mold, duck, etc., but none of them are as bad as the above. If you can think of anything else that rivals death or shit, please, share. I would like to know what to avoid.

It... Was... EVERYWHERE!

Never before, in my entire life, have I witnessed an event as unbelievable as this one. It was like something out a science-fiction story, in which a tiny three inch tall ball of fur manages to eat an elephant in one bite. Of course, in this situation, it was the reverse.

My dog, Black Hayate, who is a 16 inch tall Alaskan Klee Kai escaped from his cage for a period of three hours in which I was not at the apartment. In that time, he managed to somehow release seven times his bodyweight in fecal matter. It was everywhere! I've never, in all my life, seen so much shit scattered... everywhere! I turned to the living room, looked at the floor, looked at the dog, looked at the floor, looked at the dog, and then just sat down in awe. I wasn't even mad. There was shit everywhere! The rug was covered in it, the carpet had it scattered all over the place, the couch had smeared patches here and there, there was urine stains all over the place, and even Hayate had managed to walk through some of it and leave a trail to all the places he'd visited.

It was amazing. I don't much enjoy taking the tone of a moralist, but here's one I simply can't avoid: Make sure to keep your problems caged, or else before you know it, there'll be shit everywhere!

Stupid Light

I have a class, Shakespeare: The Later Plays, that gets out at 18:45. Usually, that's not a big deal. I get out of class, and then get to walk home in the cool evening air with the sun casually moving closer to the horizon. It's actually one of my favourite classes to get out of, regardless of the fact that it is my least favourite class to actually attend.

So, Monday started off like any normal Monday. I went to class, sat in Shakespeare and fought that incredible urge to take a nap while my monotoned professor droned on about how someone did something to someone to prove something to someone else. Then, class ended, and I walked up the stairs and out into... darkness.

I stood there for several seconds, blocking the door, and silently mouthed the words "what the fuck?" to myself. After several shoves, I walked out into the pitch-black night of early winter, marveling at how in five days, my walk home had gone from a bright and sunny experience, to one of total darkness.

I whipped out my phone and made a couple phone calls. No one answerred. It was at this moment, enveloped in total darkness, that I began wondering exactly the same thing that you are most likely wondering right now: "Did the sun explode while I was learning, and everyone on the planet's surface was killed?"

No.

But it was a scary thought. Apparently, daylight savings had happened, and all my clocks had simply readjusted themselves without informing me. Thanks, technology. It's a shame really. I was sort of excited about the end of the world.

My First Desire for Murder

First off: I'm sorry for taking so long to write another blog. It seems that this is a far more difficult than I originally expected, but not because of a lack of ideas, simply because of time constraints and the insanity of my day-to-day life. Still, I am back from my parent's house, and am now ready to begin blogging once again.

Today, I want to talk about that incredible urge one gets to kill something. Now, I know that for some of you, this feeling may have never actually arisen. I also realize that many of you fully believe it has, but when push comes to shove, you would never actually be able to kill the person or thing in question. I was one of these people up until about two weeks ago.

My target is a puppy. Yes, I know, a cute innocent little puppy. Wrong. He's the least intelligent creature on the planet, and it needs to be terminated immediately. He is a yelper. For those who don't know what a yelper is, it's a dog with a super high-pitched voice that splits into your brain every single time it lets out a call. It also chews everything, and no matter how much you try to train it otherwise, it always shits and pisses all over the house. Here is the culprit.



So why do I want to kill him? I don't know. I've never had this desire before, but with Jude, it is unavoidable. Last night, I even dreamed that I drowned him in a vat of marmalade. Why marmalade? Beats me- all I know is the pup was dead and I was happy. Shame it was only a dream...

So, what about you- what have you wanted to murder without reason?