Monday, December 24, 2007

Happy Freaking Christmas

I remember back when I was little, and Xmas was my favourite time of year. I loved everything about the season, from the weather to the presents. Everywhere I looked, it seemed as if people were happy and smiling; everyone in a good mood and glad to be celebrating the season by shopping for others. Gifting was a wonderful experience, filled with fun and excitement, from getting to receiving.

Things aren't like that anymore.

I know it doesn't say much, seeing as I hate most things in this world, but I've really grown to dislike Christmas. I don't see smiling faces anymore. I don't see people happy to be giving. I don't see courtesy or generosity or... anything happy and love-filled. I see bitter people, angry at each other, running around and trying to spend as much money as they can before throwing gifts of no thought under a dead tree. I see stress building in everyone during a time that people are supposed to be full of love and compassion.

I don't see much of anything that used to make Christmas in today. But then, I'm no better. I have adopted hate as a method of escape, instead of trying to fix it. It's easier this way.

Friday, December 21, 2007

My New Email

My school recently issued new email addresses and user ID's to everyone. I was pretty excited, because like everything else I use on the net, our new emails were to be powered by Google [insert cheer here]. But, like most things created by people I have no influence over, it turned out to be quite a disappointment.

You would think that, given the fact that it is a school ID and most likely to be used for the next four years for everything from casual emails to job interviews, they would customize it to your name. That's what they did with our former "lonestar" accounts. Mine was jmitchen@lonestar.utsa.edu. Makes sense, right? "jmitchen" is clearly the first letter of my first name, and then the next seven letters of my last name. I would prefer "mitchener", but perhaps they had an 8 letter limit. I settled.

My new UTSA ID is "zai618". Must I comment on how stupid this is?

Then I thought: "Well hey, maybe the tag sucks, but it's a Google account, right? I can at least tie all my Google stuff to my new UTSA email, even stick a Gmail shortcut on my Google Homepage. Wrong. Apparantly, even though this new email is a UTSA account, Gmail is something different. My account is simply "powered by Google." So though it looks like a Gmail account, operates as a Gmail account, and even has all the same features as a Gmail account, it's not quite Gmail.

I really don't like stupid people, and clearly, they were the only ones in charge of setting up this system of UTSA email.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Mummificiation

As you all know, I'm a big fan of the whole immortality thing. Living forever is a big deal- so big, in fact, that people have been trying to find ways to do it since before time was time. Why else do you think we invented religion? But that's not what I'm here to talk about. No, I've decided that when I die (because it's inevitable... at least in my generation), I am going to be mummified.

I've put a lot of thought into this, and no, I cannot be dissuaded. Think about about it. How many funerals have you been to in which you saw a man being encased in bandages, then placed inside a golden sarcophagus? Yea, that's what I thought, not a single one. Well, mine will be your first! And yes, you are invited. In fact, everyone is invited.

See, I figure that if I can't live forever through never dying, I might as well die in a way that will make me remembered forever. In 10,000 years, someone will dig me up and go "Holy shit, we found a mummy!" and sure enough, I'll go to a museum where I'll be on display and everyone will be marveling at how amazing I am.

So, really, there's no losing in this situation. I get a fantastic funeral, I get to be encased in gold, I get to be discovered, and everyone has to look at my ugly semi-decayed body for all of eternity. I'm pumped.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

What We Still Don't Have

Why the fuck aren't there flying cars? I'm sorry for using such harsh language, but it is driving me crazy here! I mean, I'm an adult of the twenty first century; so why the hell don't I own a flying car? I could have sworn that the world of technology promised us that! Look at the Jetsons- they were zipping all over their place in their houses in the clouds, they robotic maids, and their flying cars. Why don't I have any of those?

I get it; flying cars just aren't efficient enough to make them worth the money to develop. Fuck efficiency! Isn't this America? Isn't this the country that prides its self on spending too much money on everything, just because it can? Isn't this the country that said "screw the war, I'm driving an SUV because I'M AN AMERICAN!" So why don't American's have as much balls when it comes to flying?

You know, I probably wouldn't be as pissed if we had other crazy cool shit, like genetic engineering or biotic implants. I'd be fine with not having flying cars if I could just upload all my schooling straight into my brain instead of going to class every day. But no, we don't have that, and we don't have cars that can fly.

You know what, World? If you're gonna be a bitch like this, at least give me a robot to chill with.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Haven't Forgotten!

Surprisingly, I haven't forgotten to post! It's exam week this week, so I'm extremely busy. I'll be creative on Monday (and perhaps this weekend if I am not bogged down with work). See you then!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Ways not to Die

Death is looked upon with many different faces. A lot of people prepare for it, expect it, and when the time finally comes, embrace it. Others fear it, run from it, and do all they can to prolong the inevitable. I happen to fall in the middle of these two extremes. See, I don't want to die. If it were up to me, I would drink from the Elixir of Life and become immortal. But, seeing as that's not an option, I have accepted that death can't be avoided, and I will simply meet my end whenever it chooses to happen. Still, there are some ways that I just don't want to go.

On that note, here are my top 5 ways not to die:

Five: Nuclear Fallout; more specifically, being on the edge of a nuclear blast, and being thrown into an ocean where you would drown. Think about it. Your eyes would melt inside your head from the intense heat of the blast, and when the shock wave hit you, assuming you lived, you would be thrust out into salt water covered from head-to-foot in radioactive burns. No thanks.

Four: Being very slowly crushed to death, perhaps by a steamroller, starting at your feet and working up your body. The pain would be excruciating.

Three: Burned to death by fire. I don't like fire. I don't even like hot water that much. When you burn your hand on the oven, that shit hurts for weeks! Can you imagine dying from that?!

Two: Falling into acid. A giant pool of acid. Imagine the burns! At least with fire, you burn the nerves off by the intense heat. Acid would just eat you away until you are literally nothing. Piece by piece, you would deteriorate. No thanks again.

One: Being pulled into the vacuum of space. There is a lot of false information out there about the vacuum of space, and how one would die, so allow me to clear it up for you. This is what would happen: The skin on your body would begin to expand, but it would not explode. If you are fortunate enough to scream, then your lungs will be emptied, and your chest cavity will not expand to the point of severe damage. If you aren't, then your lungs would inflate slowly until they exploded within your chest. The saliva on your tongue would evaporate due to the vacuum of space, but because your body does not lose heat or pressure instantly, your blood would remain in its liquid state for about 90 seconds. You would stay conscious for about 30 seconds, until your brain became deprived of oxygen, all the while having your muscles tighten and become completely useless. Then, you would pass out, and individual cells would expand and explode, slowly killing you over the next 60 seconds.

So, I'm fine with death, so long as I don't have to go in any of the above ways... or a couple of others.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

'Tis that Season

I can't help it, but every December that rolls around, I find myself becoming increasingly angry at God. It's a shame, because from an indirect point of view, it's not even his fault. You see, it's not God that I'm really mad at, but all those people who believe it's their duty to take religion and make people pay for it. It kills me a little inside every time I see it happen. Things aren't helped at all by the season either, for you see, it is almost Christmas, and this is when God (or at least his son), gets the star of popularity.

There are a number of things about this season that just infuriate me. First off, am I still allowed to call it Christmas, or is the Holiday Season? Do I say 'Happy Holidays!' or 'Happy Christmas!'? Not being religious, it makes things even more complicated. I realize that X-mas only exists because the Son of God was born (a topic of argument for another day), but the holiday has become so commercialized that I don't even feel like God has anything to do with it anymore. So, I say "Happy Holidays!", up until X-mas day, on which I say "Happy Christmas!".

The worst Holiday experience of my life was two years ago on New Years Eve. It snowed, in Katy, Texas, a miracle on its own. Why? Well, I credit it to my going to Church for the first time in my life. Don't get me wrong, I've been to many religious activities; I even went to a catholic school for two years of my life. That's why I'm an atheist. But, two years ago, I walked into a church at the request of my best friend to hear the Christmas Eve mass. What a mistake that was. All was well for the first fifteen minutes, up until the giant projection screens rolled down from the roof and the corporate Target logo appeared on the screen. I kid you not, this is what happened. A commercial for Target played at a Christmas Eve mass. A woman was walking around the shop (a woman who went to this church) and she was picking up items looking at them, and commenting on their great value and how much money could be saved at target. Then she said: "I believe, if Jesus were alive now, he would continue the gift of giving by shopping at places like this."

I died a little inside right then and there.

But then, who am I to say what's right and what's wrong when the government of the United States declares that children can't have "Christmas Parties" because of the separation of Church and State, and yet Homosexuals can't get married to one another because "The Bible says it's wrong!"

Monday, December 3, 2007

What About Freedom?

America really isn't all that different from most other countries. Americans pride themselves on being unique, on living in a country that is clearly so much better than any other, but really, what's so different? The right to vote? The ability to choose your own religion? Having a government that listens to you?

Recently, I haven't noticed any of these things. If anything, the greatest quality of individuality that America has is their belief that their country is in fact different from all others. There are many different governments scattered across our planet, and many different religions. In most other countries, people know what's allowed, and what isn't. If they don't know what's allowed, they know they are being lied to. American's seem to lack either of these viewpoints.

American's seem to hold a high value in their openness to other religions. This clearly is not the case. Just muttering the word "Muslim" in casual conversation causes memories to rise and ignorance to well up in the chests of the arrogant. As far as the classic American is concerned, there is only one religion worth believing, and that is his own. Without understanding, there can be no acceptance, and with out acceptance, there will be nothing but hate.

But religious freedom extends so much further than that, doesn't it? From the forming of this country, there was a promise of Separation of Church and State. God's hands would not touch the world of government, nor would he shape our decisions, for fear of upsetting those with different belief. An idea of understanding and acceptance, tossed to the wind in favour of ignorance and control. How can a country claim to be open to all religions when even their dollar bill, an item that even the poorest of American's hold dear, has printed upon it "In God We Trust"? How can a country be open to all religions when its leader, it's roll model for all its people, has each of his speeches riddled with comments about God, quotes from the Bible, and a clearly blind belief in Christianity as the only true religion?

No, America is far from the Land of the Free. The only difference America has from country's that openly suppress the beliefs of others is this: In those country's, people know to keep their mouths shut. Here, people still believe they have a say in the matter.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

The Magisterium

I was fortunate enough to catch the sneak preview of The Golden Compass today. For those of you who haven't read the book, I strongly recommend you go and see it. It is a fun filled, action packed adrenaline thrill ride in which humans kill humans, witches kill humans, and bears kill humans- and at one point, other bears. For those of you who have read the books, let me forewarn you before you enter that theatre: The ending you read is not what you should expect. Instead, expect it to end 30 pages before that on a balloon floating to Asriel's house above Svalbard.

The best part about this movie, however, was not what appeared on screen. Far from it, I'm afraid. The most riveting part of the experience was all of the anger flooding from the Christian church bitching about how this movie is Anti-God. I have a couple of things to say in this field:

First, if you think this movie is Anti-God, you clearly haven't watched it, or read any of the books. If anything, it is Anti-Dictatorship. The religion in question is one called The Magisterium, and it has nothing to do with organized religion today. If anything, it's more like religion of the Middle Ages, in which heresy was a crime punishable by death.

Second, if you think this movie is bad, wait until the third one. For those who don't know- the Authority (God) is in for a tough ride in the future. So Church: pick your battles. This movie is a joke compared to what's about to come. If you are some how relating the Authority to your God, which might I add is a terrible misunderstanding given the fact that The Authority is simply a being of pure Original Sin, I would suggest fighting hard against the release of The Amber Spyglass. Why? That bitch is gonna die!

Those of you who don't have a stick up your ass, however, go see The Golden Compass. It has a strong cast and a great story. If I were you, however, I wouldn't take this movie as an opportunity to pass up the book. There is no doubt that this film is simply the tip of the iceberg. This book is great for all readers, so pick it up, give it a shot, and let me know how you feel about it!