Friday, February 25, 2011

AT&T Fail

I have been an AT&T wireless customer now since they merged with Cingular way back when. I believe I spent a few months as a Verizon customer in the middle of that, but it was because AT&T started cheating on me with other cell towers and I couldn't get signal in my apartments. So, as I lay in bed at night thinking about where AT&T had gone, I decided it was time for me to get back at her and just go start a new relationship with a better wireless company. It turned out my plans to make AT&T, my true love, jealous worked because shortly after I had joined Verizon AT&T pulled me back with a free phone, paid for my cancellation with Verizon, and gave me some pretty cheap rates. I came back reluctantly, but secretly I was happy to be back in the warm embrace of my beloved AT&T.

Then, a few days ago, I was introduced to AT&T's Jeff. I called Jeff because I needed to activate the Blackberry network on my phone. I had just gotten a Blackberry and wanted to step away form my iPhone, just testing the waters with some new products, but I couldn't use data on my phone until I had informed AT&T of the transition. So, like any good user would, I quickly grabbed my phone and called 611 for customer support. They were quick enough to answer, a few minutes on hold at most, followed by my introduction to Jeff. Here's what happened:

Jeff: Thank you for calling AT&T, my name is Jeff and I'm going to provide you with the very best customer service you've experienced.

--NOTE-- Jeff and I are already off to a bad start at this point. Claiming to be providing me the very best customer support I've ever had? I don't know about that-- I mean I have an account with Netflix, and they're pretty amazing. So thanks to Jeff's blatant lie, we were already not going to get along. I mean, how could we? Jeff's a liar, and I don't trust liars at all.

Me: We'll see, Jeff.

Jeff: Are you calling from number XXX-XXX-XXXX?

Me: Yes, that's correct.

Jeff: And you're name?

Me: James Mitchener, spelled M-I-T-C-H-E-N-E-R

Jeff: Alright Mr. Mitchener, who is the administrator on the account?

Me: Me, My brother, Robert Mitchener, and my mother, Lynn Mitchener.

Jeff: Great. Can I have the last 4 digits of the social security number?

Me: Which one, we're all administrators, we can all alter this account, so which one of our socials would you like? Mine?

Jeff: I can't answer that question.

Me: (long pause) I'm sorry?

Jeff: I can't answer that question.

Me: What do you mean you can't answer that question, Jeff? You want me to give you a social security number, but you won't tell me whose social security number you want?

Jeff: I'm sorry, sir. I can't give you that information.

Me: What information, Jeff? You can't tell me which name, all of which I already told you, you want a Social for? See, the thing is Jeff, I know all these socials, so I can give you any of them you want. However, I'm not going to just guess which one because frankly I don't trust you enough to start spitting out random socials that might not be on file. Now, whose social do you want?

Jeff: I can't answer that question.

Me: Alright, Jeff, there are 11 planets in the solar system (based on that Pluto thing and the inclusion of the new planets), I'm thinking of one. Tell me its circumference.

Jeff: I'm sorry?

Me: Answer my question Jeff, or is that too hard because I haven't bothered to tell you which planet I am interested in? Now tell me, which person's social do you want? Robert Mitchener? James Mitchener? Lynn Mitchener? Tell me Jeff. Which one?

Jeff: I can't answer that.

Me: Alright Jeff, I'm going to call back later, and hopefully I'll get to talk to someone who isn't a moron.

--- END ---

I haven't called back. I just can't bring myself to deal with the level of stupid that emanated from that office. I fear that Jeff might have actually infected everyone else at AT&T, and if I call, I could suffer from phone-transmitted-retardation. I'm just going to play it safe and switch to T-Mobile.

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