Thursday, October 18, 2007

Sucks to be Gorilla's

It must be terrible being a gorilla. Let's think about this for a second, alright? Gorilla's missed the genetic leap to greatness by something between .01% and .02% genetic difference. How much must that shit suck?! There is absolutely no way they had any say in this decision what-so-ever. I mean, of all the species of animals in the world, gorilla's just have it the worst. At least with other animals, they don't even come close to being as amazing as us, but gorilla's... well, it's sort of one of those "FUCK YOU GOD!!!" situations... from the gorilla's point-of-view.

If there is a God, I think this is just the final proof that he's an asshole. Who would do that to an animal? Bring them within inches of Shakespeare, Mozart, Monet, and Carrot Top; then just take it all away because of two stupid chromosomes?! Who would do that?

No wonder gorilla's are so damn dangerous. If I were a giant hulking bunch of muscles which came .01% away from the human genetic code, I'd be super pissed as well. Every time I saw a human, I'd want to crush his puny little head in, just to show him that "hey, you may have brains, but look at my muscles!" Then I would go cry in the grass because I was too stupid to build a house.

The worst thing we do to gorilla's, though, is when we teach them sign language. It's like kicking someone when they're down. They don't really understand it, but they recognize patterns and the effects of those patterns. So in the vaguest form of the word, they can communicate. It's like saying "look at what you could a-a-a-almost do."

I'm sorry gorilla's; but it's great being human.

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