Being a Pirate is definitely one of those careers everyone wishes they had. On the plus side, there aren't that many pirates floating out on the open seas these days; at least not compared to the good ol' time when they owned the open waters. Now it seems that sea pirating is a thing of the past, and hunting for buried treasure is done by people who have lots of very expensive equipment. All the same, that does not stop me, or even you for that matter, from wanting to be one.
From every angle, it's a job weighted almost entirely on the "Pro's" side of the list. As far as Con's go, all I can muster is poor hygiene. The whole not brushing my teeth thing would really get to me, but really, that's the only negative to a life of committed to pillaging and... well, pirating.
Let's look at the Pro's shall we? (1) You get a parrot that sits there and squawks at the most precise moments. (2) You get a sword. Enough said. (3) You get to make people walk the plank. If there's sharks below, even better, if not, then that's alright too. (4) If you have an eye patch, it's considered cool, not weird. Lacking depth perception is a plus in the pirate world. (5) Missing a limb? Great! We'll give you a peg leg for free! Chances are in that condition you'll be captain in no time! (6) Lots and lots of gold. Pirates love gold, and they always manage to find some somewhere. (7) If you are really lucky, you'll get to fight Peter Pan in Never Never Land. That's only if you're really lucky. (8) You get to add the letters "eeeeee" to the end of almost everything. "Alright mee matieee. To the plank with yeeee!"
I'm starting the list of people who will be a part of my crew. If you want in, sign up. If you are missing a limb, don't have an eye, own a parrot; chances are good you'll be enlisted regardless of your desire to be a part of my crew. Lucky you.
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