Boomerangs

Congratulations. Yes, you. Congratulations. If I could see you right now, I would give you an enormous pat on the back. Wondering why? Because you can throw a boomerang and make it come back to you like it's supposed to.

I felt the need to begin this little piece with the rebuttal to all those who say "I can do it!" So, there you have it. If you can throw a boomerang and make it come back to you, stop reading now. You have already been congratulated. You aren't wanted here anymore. The rest of you:

Honestly, I believe all those people to be liars. Have you ever actually met anyone that can do it? Have you ever actually seen someone throw a boomerang, miss their target, and then have the thing whip back around into their hand? I didn't think so. I haven't either, and I have family in Australia. I think this is some sort of tourist ploy. If you go to Australia, you buy a boomerang. No, don't argue with me, because you did it. You may not be proud of it, especially seeing as you can't even make it come back to you when you throw it, but you bought one all the same. Think about the components used to make one.

Wood.
Paint.

Wow! Talk about huge pocket damages! I can't possibly imagine funding the construction of boomerangs! Probably costs a whopping total of four cents to make a single boomerang. Then they are sold for what, 5, 10, 25 dollars? Stupid. And the things don't even come back when you throw them.

I'm onto you, Australia-