Sir James

I've always thought it would be cool to be a knight. To be honest, I've never been much of a fan of warfare, but the idea of being a knight is just so inviting. It's not that I don't appreciate war. I realize that in some situations, it is the only acceptable course of action. It's part of human nature. I'm just saying I wouldn't want to be the one who does the fighting. It took me a while to realize why I felt this way, but after much internal debate, I came to the conclusion that the only reason I don't want to fight in any modern war is that the honour is completely lost in battle today. Guns let you kill your enemy from a mile away, bombs let you destroy hundreds at once, tanks keep you shielded away in an environment that lets you withstand an atomic blast. It just seems so... impersonal.

Knighthood, however. Now that's something I could be a part of. There was real honour in that. Every fight took place face to face. Sword to sword. You faced your opponent, looking upon exactly what you had to challenge, and then you battled. That's how things should be. Not being blown up as you walk down the road by an IED. I'm sorry, but that's just not my game.

There's no point beating around the bush. I'm just trying to make you want to be one too. Really, all it boils down to for me is this: Sir James Richard Mitchener. Doesn't that sound beautiful? Read it again.

Sir James Richard Mitchener

I know, you are jealous. You are thinking about changing your name just so when you become knighted, you'll be Sir James Richard Mitchener too. Don't feel bad, you can't win them all. It just so happens I've won this one. You'll have your chance, another day. Not today though.

The perks to being a knight don't stop there. If it weren't enough to be a "Sir" and to fight with honour, this is just totally going to push you over the edge. If you are a knight, you get a squire! Your only personal assistant to follow you around and dress you in your armour and carry your coat of arms on a flag! How great is that?! He even prepares your horse, and calls upon fine ladies for you to court! I see absolutely no drawback here! Well, I suppose the poor sanitation is one, but I think I'd be willing to suffer through it to be a knight.

I could go for any slice of this cake, couldn't you?